Creation is Momentum
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I stopped living in the moment -- styling and re-styling my real life until it was blog-worthy. I could spend a perfect day with friends, see something inspiring, and beat myself up all night for leaving my camera at home. Sorting through thousands of tweets and posts felt like required reading. And the constant stream of inspiration of Pinterest made me question my blog's value.
It felt like all of the air was sucked out of the room, and there was nothing left for me to say.
A few weeks into my hiatus I thought--"this is ok--you committed to this project, day in and day out for almost four years. Your personal life and career are infinitely more demanding today than they were at 23. Now you'll actually have time for all of the things you wanted to do better, but couldn't make room for."
It sounded great. Except that I didn't. I didn't do any of that. Quitting blogging didn't inspire me to cook more meals from scratch, spend more time on personal relationships, or kick up my yoga routine. In fact, all of those things suffered! Without my blog, I rarely reflected on things. I obsessed over things that are out of my control, because my failure to live up to my own standards made me FEEL out of control. I stopped looking for the beautiful things in life, because there was no joy in them without people to share with.
If there's one thing I learned from my hiatus, it's that, for me, creation is momentum. If I'm not taking time each day to think, to create something, to actively engage with my passions, then everything else suffers.
So now, I'm challenged to find the right balance for me--between letting the world in, and shutting it out. But, I think I'll take a cue from these dahlias I picked up at the market on Sunday. Recognizing that sometimes it's ok to be a tightly wound green bud, but really, it's so much prettier to be in full bloom.
Image my own (Jenn Lore)